How to Annoy Van Helsing Characters
by Ein Kampf kann eine Lebenszeit
Summary: What the title says. Please review, first humor story ever.
1. Dracula

How to Annoy Dracula.

1. Tell him black is so out of style.

2. Ask him if he wears makeup to make him more pale than he already is.

3. Stare at him, if he asks why, say "I just though you were dead. Why aren't you dead, wern't you killed?" then run away.

4. Ask why he wants Anna as a bride, he already has 3 of them.

5. Trade his shoes with 5 inch heels

6. Permanently die his clothes a neon yellow

7. When he gets mad, tell him it brings the color in his eyes out.

8. Call him Count Chocula

9. Give him a wooden stake for his birthday, then run

10. Put him and a drunk Van Helsing in the same room with no weapons.

11. Video tape it and put it on youtube.

12. Kill Anna

13. Carry around a jar of blood, and when he asks why, toss it at him.

14. Introduce him to emo music.

15. Show him the movie Dracula: Dead and Loving It.

16. After doing all this, follow him around with a video camera and ask stupid questions constantly until he snaps.

This is my first thing like this, so tell me what you though.  
a13 


	2. A Very Important and random note

Hey guys who read my story!

I just wanted to leave a shout out to everyone that I am changing my penname, and nothing anyone says will make me change my mind about this. 


	3. Carl

**How to Annoy… Carl**

1. Constantly call him a monk

2. ask why he always tries to run away

3. do a crappy immation of him cursing

4. ask if he is a child anytime soon

5. take his cloaks and dye them purple

6. say he and Anna would make a great couple

7. burn all his books(except the Bible, I don't believe in God, but still, a lot of people do, so it would be really rude)

8. purswade him to get drunk and stick him in a room with Dracula

9. while he is drunk, before #8, make him one of those vampire baby things

10. tape reactions to all of the above

11. post them on youtube

12. Van Helsing accuse him of stealing Anna

13. make him watch Van Helsing over and over

14. tell him Van Helsing has feelings for him

15. Introduce him to rap music, the kind with a swear word every other word.

**This one was hard to write, and wasn't as good as my first one. Please review, they are appreciated. I never expected 12 reviews for 1 chapter, though, it is really awesome.  
pete'sno2fan**


	4. Van Helsing

**I have decided to go after the main character, Van Helsing. Hope you enjoy, and also, if you think this is lame, stupid, boring, not funny, ect. ect., please don't leave a review. It's a crappy way to say you didn't like it. If you DIDN'T like it, don't read it. It's common sense, get some or use what you have. And on that happy note, enjoy.**

1. Steal his weapons

2. Take his hat

3. Ask why he killed Anna

4. Stick him in a soundproof room with Dracula fangirls

5. Videotape this

6. Post this same video on youtube

7. Say he could pass for a girl with his hat and bandana on

8. Ask him this question: "If you're a swordsman, why don't you ever use swords?"

9. Tell him Anna never had feelings for him

10. If he gets mad, which he probably will, run away, very fast.

11. Tell him you know the perfect song to describe him.

12. If he asks what it is, dismiss the question

13. Play 'Drama Queen' by Family Force 5 every time he enters the room

14. When you or someone else is talking to him, say randomly, "Your like a psychosomatic."(That's for you TheStoryGypsy)

15. Poke him constantly till he snaps

16. Constantly ask what really happened under the windmill

17. If he is mad after #15, video tape #16 and post it on youtube, google video, and yahoo video

**So there it is, I'm thinking of coming up with a follow up story to this one, so we will see how it goes. Review IF you liked it, if not, read above note.  
pete'sno2fan**


	5. Anna

Anna 

Ask why her shoes in the movie go from high heeled to flats constantly.

Ask if she enjoyed the kiss she had with Dracula

Trade all her swords and weapons with fake plastic ones

Tell her Van Helsing didn't really love her, if he did, he wouldn't have killed her.

Ask in a very slow voice why she talks so fast

Take her to Hot Topic

When she is sleeping, put her hair in pig tails.

Show her pictures of Dracula and Andy Hurley, ask which one she would want to go out with more

If she says neither, tell her she has to choose

If she asks why, open the door and have both of them standing there

Exchange all her dark clothes with a bright green or yellow.

When she gets dressed, video tape her going out in public

Post it on youtube.

Introduce her to My Chemical Romance and tell her the music fits her attitude so well

Superglue Van Helsing's hat to her head.

Tell her it makes her look taller, which she needs

**Here is Anna. Not as good as the others, but some people are so hard to make fun of. And Pete over here isn't helping, he's only distracting. Only one person will fully understand that, but anyway. Please review, unless you didn't like it and all you want to say is: "Not too funny. Redo it or stop." because I don't need that. If you don't like it, don't read it. Thanks!  
pete'sno2fan**


	6. The Brides

**Okay, just got my wisdom teeth removed, it's funny to me, a lot of pain killers will do that to ya. Anyway, as #6 said, hard people to make of, the brides are. Please review, and no flames, remember to use common sense. Don't like it, don't review.  
me**

The Brides

1. Tell them old people such as themselves should cry so much

2. Call them suck up's

3. Tell Aleera she needs to ease up off of Anna, it's kinda freaky and people are susspecting things

4. Tell Marishka to stop playing with her food, it'll kill her someday

5. Tell Verona she doesn't need to be so needy, she's already a favourite

6. Damn, these people are hard to annoy

7. Kill their children when they aren't looking and tell them that said children flew off on their own

8. Give them fake blood, see what happens

9. Ask why they wear shoes, they are vampires after all

10. Tell them, all three of 'em, that their voices are too high pitched

11. Give them self help tapes

12. Put them in a room with Van Helsing fan girls, and video tape it

13. Run

14. Post said video on youtube and any other internet video service

15. And that is a wrap.


	7. Note, please give advice on my next move

Okay people, those are the only people I can really make funny. So that is it for my 'How To Annoy Story.' If anyone thinks I should make a follow up story using the techniques I came up with, let me know, and thanks for all the reviews! Can't wait to see if anyone wants to have a follow up.  
me 


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